jackonjack

2007-06-21T21:17:00.000+01:00

I had a terrible dream last night. In my dream, Jerome died. I was devastated. I couldn't believe it. Even worse, before he died, he turned into a large fish, a pike to be exact. It was a scary fish with huge jaws and lots of sharp teeth. I had to go to a shop and pick up the dead pike that used to be Jerome. It was terrible.

I was so traumatised by this dream that I had to text Jerome this morning to make sure he is OK. He is fine, and I am relieved to report that he has not turned into a fish.

Jerome is now on facebook

2007-06-09T12:57:00.000+01:00

Jerome has just asked me to be his friend on facebook. So I am. (this font looks very odd, what's going on?) I wonder whether facebook will come to anything. You can import your blog to facebook, so perhaps he should do that and give it a wider readership.

Happy Birthday, Jerome's blog

2007-06-05T23:09:00.000+01:00

Jerome's blog was three years old on May 31st.

Three years of reckless fun and laughter!

Here's an interesting piece of news. I was over at H's last week hanging out in her bijou garden and eating scones with her and Rence when Jerome rang to ask if they wanted to go for a walk.

A walk! Jerome drives everywhere!

A mystery

2007-06-05T23:01:00.000+01:00

Who would take a picture of their genitalia and email it to one of their friends? And why would they do this?

News update

2007-06-02T18:55:00.000+01:00

I saw Jerome last night and very lovely he was looking too. He is only wearing one necklace at the moment, instead of the huge bundle of charms he used to wear from all his best friends.

He recently visited Mr and Mrs Sunshine and the Curly-haired superbeings. He got into trouble for offering them sweets. He is planning a big party in September which will reunite all the longlost people he knows. Perhaps he will make the very amusing speech about being able to count all his friends on the fingers of one hand.

Maybe I'm jealous cos Jerome has more friends than I do.

The Law

2007-04-03T22:41:00.000+01:00

L went round to Jerome's last week and discovered that no-one is allowed to speak during Hollyoaks.

Hollyoaks is crap, by the way. Utter shite.

A conversation

2007-02-27T20:56:00.000Z

I got a text from Jerome yesterday.

It said "How many syllables in dickhead?"

I think he sent it because I accidentally sent him a text about badminton that should have been sent about 2 months ago.

I spent some time trying to think of witty but not too cruel replies. I rejected "The same number as in Jerome and in Francis". and said instead "What did you mean to send this to me". Jerome texted back "Yes". So I texted back "Love you too".

Jerome is going to Berlin. He won a prize at work for the greatest increase in sales or something. So if they put up the Berlin Wall again, you'll know why.

2007-02-22T22:58:00.000Z

Jerome is a good friend. He cat sat for C and L and when one of their cats went missing he put up posters on the street and went round to all the neighbours asking after the cat.

The cat returned when C and L got back from holiday.

I played badminton with Jerome on Monday. He said one of our rallies was good. He wore the silver regalia. Truly he is a king of the court.

Happy New Year to all the lovely readers of Jerome's blog

2007-01-09T21:14:00.000Z

Jerome has been back to the dentist and had his teeth stuck back in. He now has a full set of teeth for the first time in several years. He looks very nice. I hope he will find a lady worthy of him in 2007.

We have started playing badminton together. I was worried about this because Jerome is very competitive and particularly hates being beaten by members of the C list. However, he says he is rather surprised at my ability and he can see that I will improve and has been very kind and sporting during the games.

Fans of Jerome's fashion will be pleased to know that he wore the silver trainers and the silver tracky bottoms for our last match and used the handy press studs at the sides to take them off extra quickly before our game. It was quite dramatic. (To reassure you, he was wearing shorts underneath.)

Jerome's job is still rubbish. I hope he finds one he likes better.

And to the august contributors to Jerome's blog, why not write a few more entries in 2007? It could be your New Year's resolution.

2006-12-23T23:50:00.001Z

Jerome has replaced one of his teeth. Unfortunately it fell out after less than a week, so today he was shopping for some glue to stick it back in.

Sticking your tooth back in with glue doesn't seem a very wise thing to do to me, but this is Jerome we're talking about.

Also - I discovered that Jerome has a friend at work who likes Christmas so much that she was prepared to write all his Christmas cards for him. If only I had friends like that.

2006-12-22T22:16:00.000Z

Merry Christmas to all the lovely readers of Jerome's blog.

I will write more about his crazy life next year.

Till then, keep reading, folks.

Mystery

2006-12-20T22:53:00.000Z

A Christmas card arrived today. It was signed 'Love, Jerome', but it wasn't Jerome's handwriting. Has he paid someone to write his Christmas cards for him?

"Ladies might conceivably fancy him now"

2006-10-31T23:25:00.000Z

...reports my spy in the world of Jerome. This means that the surfer hair is no more and he is sporting a short back and sides. So this is an ideal chance to test the theory, propounded by some of his close friends, that his mojo declines as the length of his hair increases...

Watch this space.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

2006-10-16T18:21:00.000+01:00

Past it?

2006-10-13T12:57:00.000+01:00

There is a large vintage clothes shop in Bigdeth. Usually its shutter is down when I go past on the bus, so I can't see what it's selling. A couple of days ago, the shutter was up. Hanging in the window was a Chicago Bulls vest with a number 23, which, as you know, is made famous by Jerome and slightly less famous by Dennis Rodman, that very tall man with the strange dress sense who is a lover of the opposite sex but less handsome than Colin Firth as Mr Darcy.

Perhaps it's time to put the vest back in the wardrobe?

Since writing this, I wonder if Jerome has sold his vest to this shop and changed his fashion ways. But that's a silly suggestion. It would be like selling a bit of his soul.

Cosward bound

2006-09-30T12:41:00.000+01:00

Some information about Cos, where Jerome is going on holiday this week, from Wikipedia:

History

The island was originally colonised by the Carians. The Dorians invaded in the 11th century BC and joined the Athenian Federation, expelling the Persians twice. In 366 BC the town of Kos was built, then soon after the island became a part of the Roman Empire, then the Byzantine Empire.

The island was later conquered by the Venetians, who then sold it to The Knights of Saint John of Rhodes. Two hundred years later the Knights faced the threat of a Turkish invasion, and so abandoned the island. The Ottoman Empire ruled Kos for 400 years until it was transferred to Italy in 1912. In World War II, the island was taken over by Germany, until 1945, when it became a protectorate of Britain, who ceded it to Greece in 1947.

The main port and population centre on the island, also called Kos, is also the tourist and cultural centre, with whitewashed buildings including many hotels, restaurants and a small number of nightclubs forming the famous Kos town "barstreet". The town has a 14th century fortress at the entrance to its harbour, erected in 1315 by The Knights of Saint John of Rhodes.
The platane of Hippocrates.
Enlarge
The platane of Hippocrates.

Culture

The ancient physician Hippocrates is thought to have been born on Kos, and in the center of the town is the Plane Tree of Hippocrates, a dream temple where the physician is traditionally supposed to have taught. The limbs of the now elderly tree are supported by scaffolding. The small city is also home to the International Hippocratic Institute and the Hippocratic Museum dedicated to him. Near the Institute are the ruins of Asklepieion, where Herodicus teached Hippocrates medicine.

The main villages of Kos island are Kardamena, Kefalos, Tigaki, Antimachia, Mastihari, Marmari and Pyli. Smaller ones are Zia, Zipari, Platani, Lagoudi and Asfendiou. Kardamena is now a popular resort for young British holidaymakers and has a large number of bars and nightclubs.

Stobarts Launch Rail Freight Service

2006-09-19T23:06:00.000+01:00

Eddie Stobart Ltd (ESL) is delighted to announce the launch of a dedicated rail freight service, which will be contracted to Tesco plc.

The introduction of this service will replace over 13,000 lorry journeys each year, equivalent to 3m lorry miles or 180,000 freight tonnes being removed from the road each year. Overall there will be substantial environmental benefits generated, worth nearly £3m over the 3 year contract period.

I didn't make this up. It's true.

Go wild in that comment box, kids.

Transport shocker!

2006-09-12T12:10:00.000+01:00

Jerome has a bus pass. He is now an expert on the no 11 bus route.

Happy birthday, Jerome from all your fans here on Tinternet

2006-09-06T23:06:00.000+01:00

It is Jerome's birthday on Thursday. He is going to C's graduation then getting drunk.

So join me in wishing the old bugger a very happy birthday. I am not running the birthday ode competition again, because we are all too mature for such childish antics, aren't we?

HA HA HA HA HA

2006-08-07T23:52:00.000+01:00

Some advice

2006-08-02T23:30:00.000+01:00

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

On the move

2006-07-30T08:29:00.000+01:00

Jerome is leaving the party house and moving to an elegant four-bedroom mansion in another part of Queen's Moor, about 2 minutes walk away from me. He couldn't tell me what his room is like because he had a stonking hangover when he saw it.

Shocking Haircut Shocker

2006-07-25T00:44:00.000+01:00

Far be it from me to criticise Jeromes immaculate hairstyle, looking as I do, very much like a fat David Hasselhoff, but the boy has surpassed himself.

What he was going for - Surfer / groovy youth hero

What he got - laughed at.

It cost him £61 apparently (thats almost a pound per hair).

Fair play to the fella though he was on good form this weekend.

Under the Bridge

2006-07-03T12:05:00.000+01:00

Jerome is going to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert twice this week. He won some tickets in a radio phone in.

New content likely, don't go away now

2006-07-02T10:31:00.000+01:00

Hello, Jerome fans!

It's the Boswell to Jerome's Johnson, Marvin here. I hope I will see Jerome shortly so I will be full of tales of his exciting life. Also coming up, exclusive Francis reaction to England's sad departure from the World Cup.

I do love Jerome very much.

2006-06-21T22:45:00.000+01:00

Uncle Jesse Says Hello

2006-06-19T00:13:00.000+01:00

The last time Jerome came home he was being a top chap, a really good old boy, so there is no possible way that I can hurl abuse at him for that. Well done fella.

However, the time before, he was being a minor tool. I cooked dinner for a few people. jerome didnt like it. Fair enough. We all went to the Green Dragon afterwards. After many costume changes, Jerome opted for his dungarees with neither shoulder strap in use, an option that came to be termed a"Fat Dexy's" or a "Lazy Uncle Jesse".

Dan L, Tom, Karyn and I were sat in one of the boothy kind of things, Jerome was talking to a LADY. Dan L bet me ten pounds that I wouldnt go up behind Jerome and pull down his dungarees. Easy Tenner. jerome continued to talk with the last Turkey in the shop nodding in agreement. He then proceeded to climb on the booth table with his bottom facing Karyn, and his novelty party aperatife facing Tom.

What I want to know was - Who saw his brain?

Fashion advice from Christopher.

2006-06-04T00:56:00.000+01:00

"Jerome, take off those shoes. They don't know whether they're trainers or sandals."

The sandals stayed on.

"Am I speaking truth?"

2006-06-03T00:23:00.000+01:00

That's one of the most rhetorical questions I've ever heard.

2 years of blogging

2006-05-30T23:51:00.000+01:00

Jerome's blog is two years old. It is very kind of me to write it for him.

Jerome's gym regime is going well. He is giving up drinking and going to the gym instead. He has lost some weight. He is eating nice food too, like cottage pie and other tasty stuff. But he is binge drinking at weekends, before you think he's lost his personality.

The diet will make him dungaree fit. At the moment he can't wear his dungarees because they are unflattering but when he's a trim love god he'll be able to wear them. Which leads me to wonder if this diet is really a good idea.

Power

2006-05-29T19:43:00.000+01:00

After this weekend, I can say with complete confidence that Jerome can charm any lady, young, old, or feline.

Play on words

2006-05-29T19:33:00.000+01:00

I spent the weekend with Jerome, so I have lots of new material for his blog. He got very, very, very drunk at G and P's party, and was chatting to a group of bonkers neighbours. They were playing with a mobile phone. We could see into the Mind of Jerome. It was surreal and frightening. My brother fell asleep under his hat to escape.

"I'm very impatient," said one friend to Jerome, clicking through the menus at breakneck speed.
"Blimey, love, you're the most impatient person I've ever met," slurred Jerome. "Is your husband's name Thomas Ollerance?"
The conversation continued without this gem getting the recognition it deserves. I think Jerome deserves some credit for coming up with this after drinking vast amounts of lager and lime and some very large vodka and cokes.

Comparisons are odious

2006-05-19T23:43:00.000+01:00

This afternoon, I was idly flicking through the TV channels when I happened to come across a programme called "Competitive Teenager". This featured an adolescent wearign a bright yellow track suit and sporting lots of curly hair. Said youth went into a cafe, sat next to an old lady and decided that whoever drank their drink first would WIN. Of course the youth "won" and celebrated in the way young people do these days.

Dungarees down!

2006-05-08T23:16:00.000+01:00

Jerome has some dungarees. They don't suit him and they look like htey are about to fall down. He has been in Moorhensroad corrupting my little brother.

The search for content reaches new heights of desperation

2006-05-02T19:45:00.000+01:00

Here's a fun little game for the readers of Jeorme's blog. This meme has been going round, so I am going to answer it for Jerome...friends of Jerome please help me as I won't know all the answers.

What time did you get up this morning? 5 am and drove from Derby to Penzance and back, stopping for only one wee due to my superior bladder control.

2. Diamonds or Pearls?
Diamonds. I'm a classy kind of guy.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Don't know.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Torn between Sport and Porn.

5. What did you have for breakfast? Cereal?

6. What is your middle name? Douglas

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Posh French?

8. What foods do you dislike?
Egg.

9. Your favorite Potato chip?
I'm guessing Monster Munhc.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? jEROME mentioned Athlete and Snow Patrol.

11. What kind of car do you drive? I've sold my car. I borrow my friends' cars.

12. Favorite sandwich? Tuna, obviously.

13. What characteristics do you despise?
Weakness. Weaklings will be crushed.

14. What are your favorite clothes?
I have written a long post about Jerome's clothes. Anything with O'Neill onit.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? An exotic destination.

16. Where WOULDN'T you go?
On holiday? Didcot.

17. Favorite brand of clothing? O'Neill, as above.

18. Where would you want to retire to?
The village I grew up in. I would run one of the pubs and make stacks of money.

19. Favorite time of day?
Probably late at night pissed.

20.Where were you born? Stroud.

21. What is your favorite sport to watch? nude ladies wrestling?

22. Who do you think will not link to this meme?
Dan because he is the most unreliable person I know.

23. Person you expect to send it back first?
Marv cos she's sad.

24. Pepsi or Coke?
I am sure Jerome will have a very definite view on this so I wont presume.

25. Beavers or Ducks? Beavers

26. Are you a morning person or night owl?
Jerome is both.

27. Pedicure or Manicure?
Pedicure. It has to be. (insert cruel joke of your choice here)

28. Favorite food to order out at a restaurant?
Crispy duck?

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? I'm having a party!

30. How many times have you really been in love?
I think Jerome has been in love three times. I hope we don't have to refer to the infamous List (with comments)

32. What is your best childhood memory?
Hiding Marv's teddies in sleeping bags and making her cry was definitely a highlight. I hope Jeorme has something better to offer, tho.

33. Favorite movie?
It used to be Baz Lurhman's Romeo and Juliet. I think Jerome sees himself as Mercutio.

34. Do you have a Will?
No. I'm guessing.

35. Piercings?
Ear and belly button. I think that's it.

36. Ever been to Africa?
NO.

38. Been in a car accident?
Yes, bashed into a parked car in London.

39. Favorite day of the week?
pass on this

40. Favorite restaurant?
That's too hard. Jerome loves eating out. Myabe Bank. He likes lobster though.

41. Favorite flower?
No idea. Rose?

42. Favorite ice cream?
Does Jerome like ice cream?

43. Favorite fast food restaurant?
KFC?

44. What is your dream job?
I dread to think. Emperor of the World.

45. From whom did you get your last e-mail?

46. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
O'Neill?

47. Bedtime?
Probably midnight in the week and never at weekends.

48. Last person you went to dinner with?
Dont'k now.

49. What are you listening to right now?
Not folk.

50. What is your favorite color?
Red.

51. How many tattoos do you have?
1 - a jester's hat on my shoulder

52. What time did you finish this?
fivce past eight

53. Favorite magazine?
FHM

Party parabola

2006-05-01T22:34:00.000+01:00

The party season has opened at Casajacks.

You can say many things for and against the mighty Jerome, but there is no doubt that he knows how to throw a good party.

Russian hat raid imminent

2006-04-23T23:23:00.000+01:00

I am on a mission. I want to recover my Dad's Russian hat from Jeorme. I wonder how long it will take to get it back.

2006-04-11T21:45:00.000+01:00

I bumped into Jerome at the gym. He says he hasn't been going very often and he is going to give up his membership unless things pick up a bit.

He is growing his hair. It's getting quite long. He's going to bleach it. I think I have worked out why he's doing this.

stunners

2006-04-05T23:01:00.000+01:00

stunners
Originally uploaded by Marvin Marblesons.

Those size 13s haven't crossed my path

2006-04-05T22:47:00.000+01:00

I haven't seen Jerome for ages. He was last spotted a few weekends ago in Sainsburys looking unshaven and hungover and sporting a Russian army hat (which he stole from my dad, who would like it back)

Advert

2006-03-14T20:52:00.000Z

Women are better drivers.

Here's a link to insurance for female drivers.

Codebreakers and psychologists needed here: apply to Marvin at the Blog of Jerome

2006-02-15T13:02:00.000Z

I sent Jerome a round robin email asking people to forward their favourite recipes. He sent me this reply.

Seldom does anyone drop out my arse.
Now if it was a cocktail list then I would be interested.
I cooked an amazing Cottage Pie on Monday night so am happy. No you guys can not have the recipe, a genius does not share his secrets.

I am a bit bemused by the first sentence. Has Jerome given birth in the past? If anyone has understanding of the mind of Jerome - and it has been suggested that only a world-class psychologist would be able to hack it, could you please comment and tell me what he's on about.

News flash

2006-02-12T14:16:00.000Z

Today Jerome is staying in bed until twelve. He is going to cook Shepherd's Pie for his housemates.

2006-02-07T22:14:00.000Z

I have given Jerome his Jack Daniels calendar. I hope he liked it.

2006-01-31T22:07:00.001Z

I have a present for Jerome. It is a Jack Daniels calendar. I can tell the InterWEb this because Jerome never reads this blog. It is a time-limited present. I wonder if I will see him before it becomes outdated.

Ninja cat in training

2006-01-31T22:07:00.000Z

Ninja cat in training
Originally uploaded by Marvin Marblesons.

Scrubs up quite well, doesn't he?

at Jerome's birthday

2006-01-21T00:11:00.000Z

at Jerome's birthday
Originally uploaded by Marvin Marblesons.

A hammer for cracking a nut

2006-01-12T20:37:00.000Z

List of alternative rules for Monopoly. Jerome and Dan might find this useful.

Jerome's Top Tips

2006-01-12T20:07:00.000Z

Three of my favourites were -

1) Always go out with short girls cos it makes your **** look bigger.

2) Always carry a lighter in case a bird asks for a light.

3) 'NOOooo.......................' (then whispering too loudly behind his hand) 'Ginger'.

Perhaps this should be the banner for this blog?

2006-01-06T21:51:00.000Z

"It may be that the race is not always to the the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that is the way to bet." Damon Runyon

Cottage pie

2006-01-06T00:00:00.000Z

Jerome made a huge cottage pie for all his flatmates. He has a picture of it on his phone and was showing it off to people at his New Year party.

Let's hope the mince wasn't off this time...

When I asked Jerome what to wear at New Year, he did say "Just look cool." As if I could.

2005-12-19T20:17:00.000Z

Jerome is having a New Year party, which I am looking forward to/to which I am looking forward.

Last night, I had a clever idea. Perhaps we should go to Jerome's party in fancy dress...but dressed as Jerome! There's the surfer look, the Liberty's cotton skirt, the Posh Spice dress, the silver track suit, the pink toga, the truck driver, and if all else fails we could all go as basketball players. I've already listed many of Jerome's best looks on this august blog.

Then I thought that it wasn't such a clever idea. We might shame him in front of his new friends.

A word of thanks to Jerome.

2005-12-11T23:07:00.000Z

He's a resilient kind of chap. But in c.1996, Jerome decided he was going to buy some leather trousers and Clarence and I really thought he shouldn't. We had an anxious discussion - should we try and persuade him not to? I can't remember whether we dared to broach the subject or not. But in the end he didn't. Perhaps he spent all the money on the fruities instead.

Jerome, thank you for not buying the leather trousers.

Having said that, the other weekend at our reading group weekend, Jerome got out his box of funny hats and the Liberty's cotton flowery skirt that my Grannie hemmed for me (at about the same time as the leather trousers idea came into his mind) fell out of the bag. I'm too fat to wear it now, anyway.

Jerome wore it one year at the Hobbiton Village Fete.

Sure as Eggs is Eggs

2005-12-08T23:52:00.000Z

Jerome used to claim to be allergic to dairy produce.

We both got very drunk a few years ago, and were playing poker at about 5am. Jerome demanded food. I cooked him a cheese omlette. He scoffed the lot and demanded more.

***LEGAL DISCLAIMER***

His face would have swollen, and his hair would have fallen out anyway.

That last sentence was very harsh, and I apologise. I am after all very fat and am in no place to criticise.

When Tom Ate Jeromes Cooking

2005-12-07T17:35:00.000Z

Tom (the younger Riggs twin) had been vegitarian for I dunno, about a decade or something, and decides he wants to go back to being a carnivore. I was supposed to be cooking him his first meaty dinner since before Maggie was ensconced in mumber 10, but I had been sent to work away for the week.

Nil Desporandum. Jerome lept unto the breach, and announced to the world that he would cook Tom his famous Spag Bol. This done (perhaps with a little light music, some wine and soft lighting, who knows!), Tom said "well that was very nice Jerome, but mince doesnt really taste like I remember" to which Jerome replied, with his little chipmunk snigger "hur hur, yea, well thats cos the mince was green, I've had it ages, must have been off. Hur Hur".

Tom spent another 6 months as a veggie.

When Jerome ate my cooking

2005-12-05T20:12:00.000Z

On Friday, we were talking about cooking, and Jerome said that he had never eaten my cooking. This puzzled me. Surely, in our long and eventful relationship, Jerome has eaten my cooking at least once.

Then I remembered he has. Here' s the story.

A while ago, when I was living in Hobbiton, my friend Clare (that's Alexander Technique Clare) visited to celebrate her birthday. I asked her what she would like to do and she said that she would like to cook a meal at home, then go out to the pub at the top of the road. Everyone was happy with this except Jerome, who was determined to go to the Chinese in Buckleberry and have crispy duck and threw a bit of a strop, and sulked off to the Chinese anyway. Clare insisted, so we made the vegetarian lasagne anyway, two large dishes of it. We only managed to eat one, so I thought I'd leave the other one for my parents to enjoy.

We met Jerome later in the pub and had a fantastic evening. When I got up the next morning, the other lasagne (whose twin fed at least six, possibly eight people) had vanished. Jerome and Clare came back late from the pub and ate the entire thing.

So while Jerome can reasonably claim not to have eaten much of my cooking, the drunken version does like my vegetarian lasagne.

Last night, we were delighted to discover that

2005-11-26T11:17:00.000Z

Jerome's first job was in the catflap industry.

Jerome is so good in a crisis

2005-11-25T15:47:00.000Z

Our charming weekend in the country had to be rearranged and Jerome has sprung into action sending emails like this.

Do we have any other news people. What is happening with PR, S and B, M. Please give me information

A poem of Love in honour of the working Mojo

2005-11-23T15:59:00.000Z

As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved

among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was

love.

Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of

love.

His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace

me.

I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by

the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.

The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the

mountains, skipping upon the hills.

My beloved is like a roe or a young hart: behold, he standeth

behind our wall, he looketh forth at the windows, shewing himself through the lattice.

My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair

one, and come away.

For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone;

The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of

birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;

The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with

the tender grape give a good smell.

Song of Solomon from the Bible, don't ya know...

Jack is back

2005-11-22T15:07:00.000Z

Jack has pulled and the Mojo is returning with great speed. Her name is Anna and she is from Acocks Green.

New tactic

2005-11-19T23:47:00.000Z

Jerome, your last post was rubbish. Dan's last post, which you can read if you click here, was much better.

Time to raise your game.

Ode to Jerome 2

2005-11-18T17:17:00.000Z

Jerome is a child of wisdom and flair,
Of gleaming white teeth and thick curly hair,
Athletic physique and witty riposte,
Such mortals as I, in his shadow are lost.

Jerome Francis however is a different fish,
As annoying a bloke as any you'd wish.
Drinks Stella and wine with ice in a pint glass,
And gibbers and drools like a fool in a stage farce.

I know this is harsh, but its said for a reason,
To annoy him and provoke more comment this season,
From the great man himself on the blog our Marv Started,
But not please to let us know you've just farted.

2005-11-16T15:56:00.000Z

I have left comments on Jerome's favorite bands and Jerome's end of email poetry. Marv do you have a job or do you just Blog all day. We all know that Dan does not work very much.

NOW THEN

2005-11-16T09:15:00.000Z

Now then you little shites. I am here to correct any crap so beware Bashford and Riggs

NOW THEN

2005-11-16T09:14:00.000Z

Jerome plays the basketball game

2005-11-15T19:37:00.000Z

Jerome won every time he played. He put my name on the list of best scores over and over again.

What a handsome pair

2005-11-15T19:35:00.000Z

I'm just being silly and I studied too many poems at college

2005-11-07T22:42:00.000Z

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Let's read that sentence carefully.

"Friends are angels"? Far be it from me to deny that Jerome has many wonderful friends. We are kind, loyal, and stick with him no matter what he does...and he has done some interesting things in his time, as I hope this blog shows (I was going to post about the "banned from Hanney incident" but that would be mean - unless someone with Hobbiton connections eggs me on). But I really don't think any of Jerome's friends are angels.

But for the sake of argument and to keep the metaphor going, let's assume that some of Jerome's friends are angels: Dan, me, Rence, and Clare F will do.

Picture the scene: Jerome sitting on the ground in a melancholy posture, his wings drooping by his side. There's something his wings should be doing, but they can't remember what it is. Along fly Clare F, Rence, Dan B, and myself on our angel wings.

"Aha," they cry, "Jerome's wings have forgotten how to fly. But that's all right. If we pick him up, they'll remember."

I sense a flaw in this plan. What if the wings don't remember? What if the wings went out to the Sanctuary the night before and are a bit bladdered or hungover? These are Jerome's wings, dont' forget. Presumably this is why the angels lift us to our feet (and I'll hear no jokes about feet, thank you, because there are several feet references earlier in this august blog) in case our amnesiac wings send us plummeting to earth after our friends have let go.

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Humph.

Jerome's music

2005-11-06T11:57:00.000Z

Here is a short list of Jerome's favourite bands.

1 The Red Hot Chilli Peppers
2 Catatonia (I think he fancies Cerys)
3 The beautiful, talented, and normal Charlotte Church
4 Athlete?
5 Snow Patrol?
6 The Spice Girls

I can't think of any others. My pop knowledge is pitiful. Please help

2005-10-26T22:52:00.000+01:00

<>Jerome sent a group email this week. It ended like this: Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Just thought I'd mention it.

Another superb piece of writing from the genius we call Big Dan

2005-10-13T23:17:00.000+01:00

Do you remember that time us boys went to the Hare for New Years eve dressed as the Spice Girls?

Jerome was Posh Spice. He spent over an hour and a half on his make up, and shaved his armpits and legs. We were a bit scared by the attention to detail, but more so because he looked like a freshly shaved gibbon who had just clumsily eaten 4 red crayons.

When Jerome met Jez

2005-10-08T20:35:00.000+01:00

When Jerome met Jez, I wondered if they woudl have anything to say. I didn't think that they would have anything in common.

They have something fundamental in common. As Jez gleefully described watching a TV programme about bikini waxing, Jerome grinned in happy appreciation.

2005-10-08T20:23:00.000+01:00

We all know that Jerome has special powers. But we tend to take them for granted. He knows what we are thinking, what is best for us, what we want, and how to get to wherever we happen to want to go by the quickest route. But when these special powers are demonstrated to other people, they are surprised.

A couple of weeks ago, Jerome met some of our friends from pubmeet night. He arrived, talked politely for a bit and happend to mention that he's working as a recruitment consultant, recruiting drivers.

"I can tell what kind of driver a person will be just from looking at them," he said, quite modestly for him. The truth - I can own your soul after a week's acquaintance if I want - would have sounded arrogant.

"You'd get too caught up in the detail," he said to Pete.

Pete's jaw dropped in a how-did-you-know-you're-right kind of way.

"You'd be good, but too relaxed. So relaxed that you'd sometimes be dangerous," he said to Andy.

Andy grinned in a sheepish yes-you've-got-me-there kind of way.

We're thinking about buying Jerome a spangly tent and a crystal ball.

Jerome 4 Charlotte

2005-10-05T22:33:00.000+01:00

Jerome thinks Charlotte Church is a very fine lady.

This is her official web site

If she gets tired of Gavin, I'm sure Jerome would oblige.

Another Francis in the world

2005-09-29T21:14:00.000+01:00

Jerome is an uncle! His sister gave birth on September 24th. It's a boy and he looks like Jerome.
I will not comment further.

Jerome has a new job.

2005-09-20T11:06:00.000+01:00

It's something to do with transport recruitment.

Perhaps he will post and tell us more about it....:)

Happy birthday

2005-09-05T22:13:00.000+01:00

It is Jerome's birthday on Wednesday.

So, take a deep breath and sing:

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, Jeromey
Happy birthday to you

or

Happy birthday to you
I went to the zoo
I saw a fat monkey
And it looked just like you

The author of the best Jerome birthday ode will win a special prize.

What we did on Jerome's birthday or My idea of a good time.

2005-08-31T19:01:00.000+01:00

We met at Witherspoons and had a spot of lunch. Then we moseyed off down to the Highbury. The Highbury, in case you don't know it, is a Proper pub. It sells really good beer, it has unbelievably friendly bar staff and it hasn't turned itself into a theme Irish/French/sophisticated glass monstrosity. It's a pub, a slightly scruffy and normal-looking pub. It also has a very fine juke box.

It has two pool tables at the back. We had a pool competition. Jerome won all the games except one, which Dan won.

"Come on Jerome, you gap-toothed bugger, let's wipe the smile off those fat cheeks." I have never quite understood male bonding.

England were playing Australia at cricket and most of us (even me) got slightly excited by the thought that we might win. Little Rence remained steadfastly of the view that it's only a game and there's no need for excessive competitiveness.

Some of the others had a darts competition. Jerome, darts god, won every game. Lucy hadn't seen him play before and was very impressed.

Then England won the Test and everyone got a bit overexcited. Some of the other people in the pub started doing silly dancing to cheesy music. One old chap did a particularly fine piece of bopping to one of the songs from Grease. Then we were informed that it was our turn. Hendy honour at stake, we did the village proud. Led by the King of the Cheesy Dance, Mr Clarence Clodpole, shoogyformeshoogyforme, we shook our funky thang or somesuch and then sat down and drank some more beer.

We got a taxi back up to Muesli and went into an Irish theme pub. There was a pop quiz and Lucy was in her element. we came 4th.

The others were going off to a club, but I was wearing a cardigan, so I went home.

What a top time was had by all.

Top marks for nurses.

2005-08-29T20:55:00.000+01:00

Overheard in the pub during part of Jerome's fantastic birthday do.

"Did you know our vicar is leaving?" said H.

Jerome, horrified, "Oh no! He's got two fit daughters. And one of them's a nurse."

The Lion Roars

2005-08-26T19:14:00.000+01:00

I got in to find a message on the answerphone. I played it and there was no message. Just a roar. "Must be a crank call, " I thought, as I settled down to read my post and drink my non-alcoholic beverage.

James got in and played the message again. Suddenly the penny dropped.

"It must be Jerome, " I said. "I don't know anyone else who would ring me up and roar."

The little orange panel that tells you who it is so you can pretend not to be there did indeed say JFrancis.

What a terrible mistake

2005-08-22T19:45:00.000+01:00

I do apologise to all Jerome's readers. I accidentally put in rahter a lot of links to a picture of the Crazy Frog.

2005-08-22T19:44:00.000+01:00

Here is a popular character

another link

2005-08-15T19:19:00.000+01:00

Friends of Jerome may be interested in this link
link

Jerome.

2005-08-14T19:45:00.000+01:00

Here's another picture that readers of Jerome's blog may enjoy.
link

100 Posts on Jeromes Blog

2005-08-06T11:02:00.000+01:00

And he is yet to write one himself

Keep up the hard work old boy!

Don't you know who I am? I'm Tom's best friend.

2005-08-01T22:44:00.000+01:00

Well, he's been living here for six months and I've never seen you before.

Mens sana in corpore sano (tee hee)

2005-08-01T22:39:00.000+01:00

Jerome has given up smoking. He had a conversation with the smokers in the garden.

I hope Jerome and his friends have a lovely time at his party

2005-07-23T11:09:00.000+01:00

837110_03_022
Originally uploaded by Marvin Marblesons.

I'm sorry I can't go.

Email and other Jerome news

2005-07-23T10:51:00.000+01:00

A few days ago, I got an email from Jerome. It began, "Hello, my name is Jerome and I am f**king cool."

It ended with this rather amusing joke:

What do you call a man with no shins?
Toe-knee! ha ha ha

Jerome is having a housewarming party today. I hope he has a very pleasant time. He is enjoying life in his new flat. He has some lad friends at last.

Ooops, Jerome Will Mock Me

2005-07-11T23:27:00.000+01:00

Oh, and he did.

Jerome came down for the chicken lunch.

He worked on Friday then drove to Hendred to drive a big lorry to Grove. He then took me to the club for the game.

Jerome has decided that rather than enjoy himself he will make A COMPETITION of how long he can stay awake. Seriously, he bought pro-plus, red bull and everything. I dont know how his endeavours ended as I had to leave on saturday evening.

Oh for a truly world-class phsyciatrist.

The Lions WILL Roar Again

2005-07-01T10:37:00.000+01:00

Not one to have a pop at the referee in Rugby usually, I hope you will see that my comments are born of frustration.

Very nasty spear tackle of O'Driscoll, bad form.

Lots of handling in the rucks not noticed, or blind eyes turned.

Nasty tripping incident in the second half (also bad form) should have been at least a yellow for that.

I firmly believe that despite the loss of O'Driscoll in the backs, and more crucially, Dalaglio and Hill in the forwards, we will win this weekend.

And to all those nauseating Welsh critics banging on about there being too many English in the sides:-

Populations in the UK and Ireland -

Ireland 3,917,203
Scotland 5,062,011
Wales 2,903,085
Northern Ireland 1,685,267
England 49,138,831

There were 8 England players in the starting line up, whats that, my maths is rubbish, 57% or something. In terms of population England has something like 70-75% of the population - therefore MORE England players should have started.

Ok so Wales won the 6 nations. WHO WON THE BLOODY WORLD CUP TAFFY.

Petty grievances aside, come my UK and Irish brothers, lets stuff the upstart colonials and hear the Lions roar again.

The Spurs won the NBA

2005-06-27T20:49:00.000+01:00

That's a lot better than the Lions' shocking performance in the rugby. Three points isn't very good, is it? Anyone who can explain why England are good after New Zealand battered them to pulp will receive a special prize, courtesy of Marv.

Yes, folks, you can win, free of charge, a night out with Jerome!!

Perhaps I'll enter myself. I haven't seen the old bugger for a while and have yet to reprimand him for his insults to folk music, in person. (Although chicken lunch mania is this weekend. I have a feeling I will exceed government drinking guidelines.)

Spurs fever

2005-06-26T17:13:00.000+01:00

Some people should appreciate their friends and treat them more kindly

2005-06-24T19:23:00.000+01:00

Putting people's CDs in the toaster is mean and people who do it should be ashamed of themselves.

2005-06-24T19:22:00.000+01:00

Jerome Doesn't Like Folk Music

2005-06-21T16:04:00.000+01:00

So at 4 o'clock this morning he put my CDs in the toaster.

More stuff about the Spurs. I don't understand.

2005-06-20T19:37:00.000+01:00

From the way Hubie Brown was calling game 1 tonight you'd think:

a) The Pistons were up by 30 at halftime

and

b) The Pistons were the only team on the court.

But then Manu went to work and suddenly the Spurs did indeed exist.

Game 2 will be much more intense and stressful. If Rasheed Wallace is a bigger factor, or any factor at all in game 2, the Spurs will have their hands full.

Damn. I was disappointed the Heat lost. I wanted Shaq the Villian in the Finals. But this is just as stressful to watch. So intense. So physical.

GO SPURS GO!!!

Combat trousers

2005-06-19T18:16:00.000+01:00

Jerome likes combat trousers. The side pockets have solved people's storage needs for many years.

He is in Hobbiton this weekend having an emotional reunion with little Rence.

Spurs Rule, by Mike Nawrocki

2005-06-08T21:56:00.000+01:00

Jerome, you have to respond to this. I'm working hard here putting this stuff on your blog.

Here's a title: why Spurs Don't Rule, by Jerome.

An e-mail from a crazed Spurs fan in south Texas:

You better get on the stick with your blog, Bub. I finally found it and you refuse to update it. Come on, they won the Western Conference Finals, doesn’t that deserve some kind of entry? The coverage here has been great. Academy Sports ran out of their Spurs paraphernalia the first day (they sold a million dollars in Spurs gear). The caps look pretty nice. People have gone Spurs nuts, but as usual, they express this as emphatic waving, smiling and cheering. Got to love San Antonio.

Spurs fans are as great and compassionate as any group of fans I know, although I may be slightly biased.

And I do have a lame excuse for not blogging, even as the Spurs blazed past Phoenix. The computer was in a bag for over a week as I sanded off all the joint compound in the office. There is still a lot of work to be done in this room (Bob Vila I ain't), but at least there is a place to hook-up our laptop again. And then I was in Chicago and was at Grinnell's Ten Year Reunion weekend for Emily's class (she graduated in 1995, so it was technically my 11 year reunion, although I was the sole visitor from 1994).

I have a few things worth posting from the reunion weekend, as does Emily, I'm sure. Eventually I'll get around to that.

But that is neither here nor there. The point of this post is to say I hope to start posting with some regularity and
SPURS RULE!!!!!

Where's Shaq? Where's Kobe? Bring on the Pistons!!!!!!

This should be a great Finals. I don't know if I can take the stress. When the Spurs were in the 1999 and 2003 Finals it was foregone conclusion they'd beat the inferior Eastern Conference opponent. Not so this time. Detroit is tough, battle-tested, and there defense is a good as any north of the Alamo.

Ironically, the Pistons/Spurs series will feature two of the greatest defensive teams in recent memory. The irony being they both share nicknames of things that make things go.

To hell with irony. To hell with the Pistons.

GO SPURS GO!!!!

Happy birthday, Jerome's blog

2005-06-01T18:41:00.000+01:00

Jerome's blog is one year old today.

To celebrate, here are the comments Jerome has posted during his year in the blogosphere:

Marv, you don't know shit about rugby

Dude Trinny is FIT. Marv I am very impressed that you know who Rodman is. Words from the Lord

The world waits for an authentic Jerome post. Till then, keep writing, friends of Jerome.